I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
