So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
