and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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