New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
