I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
