sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He passed out mid-signature
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
