I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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