i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
