So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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