you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
