peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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