At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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