The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
