I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
