She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
