I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
