it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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