i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
