Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
