OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
