This house was built for laser tag.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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