1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The air was thick with penises
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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