Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
