One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
