I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
