I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drake has all the answers
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
