I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the liver wants what the liver wants
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
