you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
