I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
