i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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