i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
