I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
