one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
