Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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