I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
