direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
