there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
