Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We are two peas in an std pod
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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