xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
