Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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