this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
