so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
where are you?
Hypothermia
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
