paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
