Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i will never coherently bang her
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
