i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
