I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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