oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
