my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
vagina is talking i cant
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
