remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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