so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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