I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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