i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I smell stomach acid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
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I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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