rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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