I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
