May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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