I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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