My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
