jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just found a bag of teeth...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
