he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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