I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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