The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
