apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
