Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
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and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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