friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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