I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
