Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
a search helicopter?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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