so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
