Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
