i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
